Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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