I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
