Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm too high and old for this...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
