...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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