I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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