I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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