She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
