Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want to have your abortion
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize