Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
