my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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