Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
