Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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