before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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