i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
