i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
