So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
