they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
