dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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