I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
