I can tuck mytits in my pants
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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