At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize