why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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