alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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