Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
