i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
