Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
