I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
