Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
