I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
