I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
