the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
