She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
