"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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