I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
