I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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