why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
