Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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