Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
