Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize