Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
