I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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