They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize