Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
