What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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