Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't put those talents on a resume
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
