Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I believe in your delicious
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
