just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
