he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
