he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize