just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
