Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
