dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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