the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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