ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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