remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize