and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
