I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
