i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
