Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
