The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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