Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
