He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
