I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
