i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ladies don't puke and tell
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
