according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
