I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize