my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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