the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I cockslap morals
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
