I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
