Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
