come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
